Sports stars say the funniest things - more laughs from the past

A few more tales to make you giggle, picked up from fellow sports journalists and Press box chatter during my time as a Fleet Street sub-editor, reporter and columnist...

Myth and Jones: Oleg Blokhin skinned Joey 

GEORGIA AND THE DRAGON: Wales had just lost 3-0 to the USSR in a World Cup qualifier, yet full-back Joey Jones was in jovial mood despite being given the runaround by supreme Soviet Oleg Blokhin in front of 80,000 fans at Tbilisi. The Liverpool joker wisecracked: "If anyone's got a picture of Blockhead, I'd like to see what the bugger looks like. All I have seen is his f***ing back! It's no wonder he's so fast, his mother and father were Olympic sprinters. My mum's a cleaner and my dad's a hospital porter so what bloody chance have I got?''

ALL BITE AND NO BARK: Scotland’s beleaguered manager Ally MacLeod was facing the world’s press after the disastrous events of the 1978 World Cup finals in Argentina. His struggling side had been humbled by Iran…and one of Ally’s star players had been sent home for taking drugs. As miserable MacLeod began his summing up, an equally forlorn mongrel wandered over and sat at his feet. ‘’Aye,’’ said MacLeod, ‘’they’ll all be waiting to get at me when I get home. Right now, I probably don’t have a friend in the world - apart from this little dog.’’ With that, he bent down to stroke the bedraggled animal…and it bit him.

TROUBLE AND SQUEAK: Radio commentator Peter Lorenzo, busy interviewing England’s World Cup heroes after the 1966 Wembley victory over West Germany, was unimpressed by Alan Ball’s response to his opening question. The little midfielder piped out his answer in that distinctive squeaky voice that was to become so familiar, only for a clearly unconvinced Lorenzo to retort: ‘’Come on Alan, I know you don’t really talk like that.’’

HORSES FOR CURSES: Owner-trainer Bryn Thomas was in no mood to face the stewards after his well-fancied horse had run a stinker at Hereford. The big former Cardiff rugby forward was discussing what had gone wrong with top jockey John Francome when he was summoned to explain the horse’s failure. Stomping angrily into the stewards’ room to face his three inquisitors, the fiery farmer demanded to know why they were wasting his time. ‘’I haven’t got a clue why it ran so badly,’’ he blasted, ‘’and I’m in a hurry to get home.’’ Discreetly, in view of the Welshman’s daunting physical presence and bombastic mood, one of the stewards explained that even the Queen’s horses were inquired into from time to time. ‘’I know that,’’ fumed Bryn. ‘’But when she gets home afterwards she hasn’t got to milk 70 f***ing cows.’’

CHAMP-PAIN CHARLIE: World-title contender Chuck Wepner was so sure he‘d take Muhammad Ali‘s world heavyweight crown that he made his wife a promise before the big fight in Richfield, Ohio. ‘’Go out and buy yourself a new negligee, baby,’’ ordered cocky Chuck, ‘’Tonight you’ll be sleeping with the champion.’’Wepner, for all his bravery, duly went the way of all flesh and was stopped by Ali - albeit in the final round. Mrs Wepner, unimpressed, was more concerned about Ali’s whereabouts. ‘’Does the champ come to me…or do I go to him?’’ she asked her battered husband.

THE DRAFTY COCKNEY: England darts stars Eric Bristow and John Lowe were practising in Edinburgh before the World Cup competition. In the next bay, obscured by a partition, was Scotland’s top player Jocky Wilson - a fierce rival of Crafty Cockney Bristow. Suddenly one of Eric’s darts ricocheted off the wire…and disappeared under a gap at the bottom of the partition. A couple of seconds later it reappeared - courtesy of Wilson. ‘’If he’d known it was yours he’d have thrown it out there,’’ quipped Lowe, pointing to the large open window behind Bristow. ‘’No chance,’’ retorted Eric the mouth. ‘’He’d have missed.’’

LEVEL BEST: Liverpool captain turned BBC pundit Emlyn Hughes was in no doubt about the quality of football he was expecting to be served up in the World Cup finals. ''I want to see the type of game where teams are winning 4-1 and 3-3,’’ he told Sport of Two radio listeners.